I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
