I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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