I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
