dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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