I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
