How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
