he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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