My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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