hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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