my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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