I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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