Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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