I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
