Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
