apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
