i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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