The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
