p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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