I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
