Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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