Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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