Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's Friday. Sex?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
