He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
