So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize