PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
