youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
