where does the pee come out of this thing
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
God, you're like boner-b-gone
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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