you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
