shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
