Just fell off a train. Bad.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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