Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
