the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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