Hey man sorry I got all grabby
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
