I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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