not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
