After last night, I could never be a politician.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
