So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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