Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
