I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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