I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize