This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
