True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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