remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
