I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
