I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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