Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
