Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
