who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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