Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
