My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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