I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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