Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She's the barista slut.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize