Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
