it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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