It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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