My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
