ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
