You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
