it wasn't lemon gatorade
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
