Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I touched a dick in church today
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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