I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
