the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
