pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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