my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
