oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we're making bets on your personal life
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
