People with herpes should wear stickers.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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