I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
