when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
