Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
