So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How naked do you want me to be?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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