Please don't use social media to get back at me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
