Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
