dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Less talking, more tequila
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
